Father o' Mine

Who do you expect me to be?
Someone who loves endlessly and without question?

Who do you expect me to be?
The adult to give you advice?

Who do you expect me to be?
The sunshine to your darkness,
the smile on your face,
the laughter in your heart?

Who do you expect me to be?
Just like you?
Rule breaker?
Heart breaker?

Who do you expect me to be?
Just like mother?

Honestly, what do you want from this relationship? SHall i be there for you, father? Shall i beleive in you this time? SHall i put all of my eggs ina basket and hope to god it works out? I have not had a father or a mother in years. Why bother trying now? 24 years passed so quickly, didnt it? I dont even know who you are.

You dont even know who I am.

Fuck your expectations. I dont need to live up to shit. You never were a parent to me, dont expect me to be a daughter to you.

Can't I have my cake and eat it too?

A flash of your face crossed my mind. I am instantly yours.
But you don't know it.

Your velvet voice is heard when you aren't around. The mind plays tricks.

Your scent....god your scent brings me to my fucking knees.

Always unattainable. Never for me. Only a taste is what I get.

Must I share? Its not my choice.

I feel you and it sends fire to my mind.

All senses fail. All overload when you are around.

Ego

"Lets fuck."

"No Thank you."

"Sure? Last Chance."



Really? Like its something im missing out on. Your Ego is larger than your penis. I aint missin' out on much.

You make me sick with your hungry eyes. You disgust me with your angry face. You scare me with your ease of letting go.

I want nothing to do with you anymore.

You are a joker.

He loves me. He loves me not.

The smell of your skin, the feel of your hands within my own.
Feeling your tongue trace its wet curves across my neck.
My hair balled inside your fists. Your fists against my temple.
The smell of rum on your breath. Your hot breath on my face.
Your hands searching for love over my body.
The emptiness I leave you. The emptiness you leave me.

Dont get attatched. Dont fall in love.
Your Nemesis will be the end of you, love.
The end of me.

Use. Love. Lust. Never.

I would drop life for you. I will be at your side.
In my heart, in my soul.
In my bed. In my mind.
In my pain. In yours.

"Felt too much, did she feel a thing?
Long dark hair, never saw her cry.
In two halves I was torn.
My maybe love who wouldnt even try.

She loves me. She loves me not.

I saw you only yesterday.
We shared our smiles and went our separate ways.
Perhaps one day....nevermind.
All the nights we shared, were we just killing time?

For all the things I said to her and all the ways ive tried.
For all the things ive did for her, they're lost with one goodbye.

She loves me, She loves me not."


Thats right, Nemesis. We are a fucking She Wants Revenge song.

My muse. The semblance of a human being that carves his life into mine.

I convince myself you are a poison. A bitter elixer that causes immense pain and ultimately death of a soul.
But like any curious child, I push myself farther. I want to see how many drops of the poison I can take before I die.

One drop. One call.
Two drops. A kiss.
Three drops. A fuck.
Four drops. My heart is yours.
Five drops. A part of my soul is gone.

This cycle repeats. The stupid convincing I do to myself is pathetic. It is almost like I need the abuse, crave you to love and leave me.

I tell myself I don't want it anymore. I want you to myself, not as a plaything.

One call. A kiss. A fuck. My heart is yours. My soul is damaged.

I try to give myself strength to say "no!" But the feel of your lips pressed to my neck is intoxicating. The sound of your voice ignites me. The feel of your hands on my body, the feel of your cock inside of me provokes me to only yell, "more!"

My muse. The semblance of a human being loves to eat my soul. Its a delicate food, no doubt. Its covered in lust and filled with love.

I hate how you win. I hate how I want you to win. As broken as I am, my body would ignite once more for your touch, your love.

My muse. My love. My passion. My hatred, my pain. My sadness. My soul.

Ebay Fail

So, recently, i have been looking for a digital SLR camera. I have been severely interestee in broadening my artistic abilities and even getting into a little bit of photojournalism. As i searched Ebay the other day, i found a few cameraas i really liked. I had them all open in different browser windows and as you can guess, it may get a little condfusing, especially when you have 3 minutes left to go to work and you want to bit as soon as possible. So, i thought i had picked the right auction, i actually wanted to bid on a Nikkon but i mistakenly bid on the Kodak. Upon realizing it, i figured i should look better at the listing i just mistakenly bid on to see if this was even a model i could LIVE with. below, is the link to the page:


http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=370217453064&ssPageName=ADME:X:RTQ:US:1123

If by the time you read this that the link is no longer valid, I have taken screen shots.



This is the listing as of today. When i bid on it two days ago, it was 26 dollars.



As you can see further down, the information in the listing is excessive and irrelevant.



Not only is it excessive, its the same information just repeted. This information repeates about 10 times or so but i just screen shot it once:



The information changes, however to the timeline of photography:


This information is still ireelevant. The whole listing hardly describes the product until about 2 timelike repeats down:





There we get to the information. Lo and behold, its a broken camera. I decide that I want no part of this listing so i email the seller. This is exactly what was emailed, back and forth. Nothing was altered:

Dear thatarmyguy87,

Can you please cancel my bid? I made a mistake and would like to be free of this auction. Thank you.

- freckles528

He replies:

Dear freckles528,

I wasn't aware there was a way to "cancel" someones bid on a camera...kind of insulting. Ebay stands behind their "commit to buy" policy. Why would you want to back out after JUST placing a bid? Even if you don't pay, you will be held responisable for relisting fees and storage fees of the camera.

- thatarmyguy87

After reading that, i couldnt believe he got offended for a cancellation request. It was a mistake! AND his listing was shady as fuck.


Dear thatarmyguy87,

The cancellation request was in no way intended to insult. However, I apologize if it did so. As I had briefly explained before, I had made a bidding mistake. I had a few windows open as I compared models and prices of other cameras and mistakenly bid on your product. I, in no way said that I was not going to pay for the product so please, do not jump to conclusions. If you are unable or unwilling to cancel my bid, I will contact ebay and fill out a bid retraction form. I will try with them as well. Thank you for your response.

- freckles528


Dear freckles528,

Well there isn't any way to stop the auction with out paying more fees. You shouldn't be throwing your money around carelessly anyway. I'm sorry but I really hope you get outbid. Ebay always shows you a picture of the item and the discription with a confirm icon. Don't rush next time. Thanks.

- thatarmyguy87


Of course this guy is full of shit. If he knew the ebay rules and regs as he totally puts on, he would know that the seller can cancel a bit at their discretion. I tghink the guy was just being a total douchebag. After i put the bid retraction form in to ebay and my bid was retracted, i get this email from him:


Dear freckles528,

If you can get Ebay to remove your bid more power to you. It s a violation of my rights but oh well, I guess that doesn't matter

- thatarmyguy87

I had had enough. I reported his listing to ebay. what a tool.

Thats my ebay story. This is why i hate ebay, Angie. Ill let you sell my shit for me :P

-Leilani

Life in the fast Lane.

MY SKIN IS ON FIRE. MY LEGS SWEAT BLOOD. MY BACK HAS SHARDS OF GLASS DEEP WITHIN ITS MUSCLES. MY FINGERS FEEL LIKE CONCRETE. MY HEART THREATENS TO EXPLODE. MY EYES BLEED FROM THE PRESSURE. MY SKULL POUNDS TO MUSIC NOT HEARD BY ANOTHER HUMAN. MY ESOPHAGUS CONTAINS LIQUID MAGMA THAT FORCES LAVA FROM MY MOUTH. THE FOG ROLLS AROUND ME TIGHTLY. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I NOW? WHAT AM I DOING HERE? THE SOUNDS OF EVIL CREEP THROUGH TO MY TYMPANIC MEMBRANE AND TRAVEL UP THE AUDITORY NERVES. I HEAR DEATH. I FEEL DEATH. ITS KNOCKING ON MY GODDAMNED DOOR. HE WANTS ME FOR HIMSELF. HE ISNSISTS ON RAPING ME OF SANITY. HE WANTS ME UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY TO HIMSELF. THE COMFORT OF HIS WORDS TEMPT EVEN THE MOST PIOUS. GEE WHIZ, DEATH, THAT KNIFE SURE DOES SOUND LIKE A GREAT IDEA. GEEWHIZ DEATH, THAT BOTTLE OF ADVIL SURE DOES SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA. iT WILL STOP THE PAIN, YOU SAY? IT WILL STOP THE NOISE, YOU SAY? GEE WHIZ DEATH, YOU MAKE A PRETTY GOOD POINT. YOU CAUSE THE INSANITY ONLY TO TAKE ME FOR YOURSELF SO THE INSANITY CAN STOP. PRETTY TRICKY, SIS. PRETTY TRICKY. OH FUCK IT. TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME. TAKE ME OUT WITH THE CROWD. BUY ME SOME PEANUTS AND CRACKERS JACKS. I DONT CARE IF I NEVER GET BACK. I just heard someone get mugged outside of my window. the fear that coursed through me was more than enough for me to make the pact with death. he took me sweetly, he caressed me like a lover. He embraced me and gave me a warm glowing sensation as I took the pills to make nme sleep forever. Goodbye cruel world. May god have mecry on your souls as well as mine.